Pavel Lishin (pavel_lishin) wrote,
Pavel Lishin

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I hate Radley Balko

Fuck you, Mr. Balko.

I rarely shop at Target. Their shit is ritzy and expensive, and I'd rather get something of lower quality to save a few bucks - and that's when I actually go shopping for shit. I usually go clothes shopping once a year, when I outgrow everything or when it's hanging off me in tatters - and sometimes not even then.

Tatters! Tatters, I say!

I did decide to go to Target today, mainly because they had the 12 pack of condoms than I wanted. (I also bought two cucumbers - the clerk gave me an odd look, but fuck him for judging me! What I do in the privacy of the Target parking lot is none of his business.) While there, I saw these two amazing items:

I know, the second image is broken, blame Target

I was like, Holy Shit, something I'm willing to pay for! I tried 'em on, was very satisfied, and proceeded to the checkout lane.

Clerk: (Looks at printout) I'm sorry. This shirt has been recalled!
Me: It's been rewhat now?
Clerk: It's been recalled, I can't sell this to you.
Me: What ... is it going to blow up when I put it on?
Clerk: (Chuckle) I guess.
Me: I'll take that chance!

We called over the blatantly obvious under-cover LP dude (here's a hint, don't carry a big-ass Target walkie-talkie that continually spewes Target chatter in your back pocket.) and the manager, and both confirmed that they could not, indeed, sell me that T-shirt.

Me: Can't I just shoplift it?
Manager: (nervous laughter) No, I'm sorry.
Me: Damn!

I complained to bretthoerner as soon as I got home, and he suggested that since we live in Ritzy Plano, someone might have taken offense to Soviet paraphernelia being sold at Target. I laughed, thinking that it's ridiculous, until I googled for the brand and saw this:

Radley Balko is angry at Target stores because they stock "...the 'Men's Roma Atletica Black CCCP Crew Tee' and the 'Men's Roma Atletica Hot Red Mockba Crew Tee,' which feature the Soviet hammer and sickle." So he wrote the CEO a letter asking them not to sell it. "It's important that we remember the ruthlessness, brutality, and threat to our own liberty wrought by Soviet-style communism," he argues. "It's difficult to find anything trendy or fashionable about ... the suppression of human potential forced upon billions of people." Amen? Or overreaction? I'm inclined to Amen. (source)

Fuck you, ass fucks! I was born in that ruthlessness, brutality, and threat to your own liberty!

You know what liberty is? The right to buy a goddamn soviet fucking T-shirt with my hard earned American Dollars™! You shit bags are taking away my right to buy my goddamn T-shirt that at once celebrates my rich Russian heritage as well as the American need to spend, spend, spend on frivolous crap!

Now, I realize my rights aren't actually being violated. I could print up my own T-shirt, and neither Target nor Douchebag Balko are violating any of the amendments in the constitution, being private entities. But goddamn, these are the same people who think that fag marriages are going to bring down society and lead the way to people marrying animals, fucking them, and then aborting the twisted Minotaurian offspring that they produce.

That T-shirt will be mine! And then, if I ever rise to any sort of political power, I'm sending Douchebag Balko to some sort of Gulag. I'll supress his human potential! Goddamnit.
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